And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Ephesians 4:30
Paul exhorts believers in Ephesians 4 to put away behaviors that grieve the Spirit of God. Before going further, let us consider the meaning of the word grieve.
HELPS Word Studies
Cognate: 3076 lypéō (from 3077 /lýpē, “deep grief”) – to experience deep emotional pain; severe sorrow. This is an intense word.
With this in mind, we can read Paul’s instructions more fully:
…in comparison to the Gentiles who walk in the futility of their minds, darkened in understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance in them, due to the hardness of their hearts…
But this is not the way you came to know Christ. Surely you heard of Him and were taught in Him—in keeping with the truth that is in Jesus—to put off your former way of life, your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be renewed in the spirit of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one another. “Be angry, yet do not sin.” Do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold.
He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing good with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.
Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up others according to their needs, that it may give grace to those who listen.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, in whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:17-31
All of this “putting off” centers on our relationships with others. In the heat of emotion, we seldom pause to consider how the Holy Spirit is affected. His leadings are gentle and often subtle, coming in quiet moments of intentional reflection. It is there we experience the godly sorrow that leads to repentance.
This “putting off” is the transformation of character that occurs as we put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Our intentional pursuit of walking after the Spirit delivers us from evil.
The Holy Spirit is grieved by lying, sinful anger that gives the devil a foothold, stealing, corrupt speech, bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice.
All of these are expressed in how we treat others. Since we are part of the body of Christ, what we do to one another, we do unto Him. When we consider these actions, we see they are often rooted in fear.
As 1 John 4:18 (Williams Translation) states:
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears has not been perfected in love.”
We are reminded of love’s expression in 1 Corinthians 13 and find that love sustains us through every relationship. Love never fails.
Paul concludes his exhortation in Ephesians 4:32 with a call to kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness toward one another—all of which the Holy Spirit enables us to do well.